I just recently watched the extended Director’s Cut of Red Dawn. The prologue that was left out of the theatrical version really adds some suspense that I would have felt more strongly about had I not known what was coming next. An ominous opening where we join a foreign high command operations planning session in progress sets the stage for how the attack that almost brings America to its knees was so successful.
“General, I zinc zat you are overly zealous my pasty comrade. Ze American defenses are too strong for your plans to succeed I am afraid. Zey have ze satellite that vill observe our every move and zey vill be ready for us ven ve make za landfall.”
General’s expression remains unchanged except for a brief moment to twirl one of the handlebars on his mustache.
“Such foolish nonsense. Have you no concept of ze values of surprisings in turning ze tides in var?! Ve vill usea dare own civilian aircrafts to slip in past dare defenses and unleash hell vare zey are za mosta vulnerabilities! In broad daylights!!”
“Sir, ve must make most of surprisings if ve to have great successful. Must make absolute most of short vindow of opportunistic.”
General snickers and laughs as the camera ominously pans to the map on his desk where Calumet, Colorado is circled flanked by a photo of a rural high school.
Fade to fast moving clouds scored by a cheap imitation of Aaron Copeland.
Obviously there is no Director’s Cut. Yet this iconic movie is premised entirely on America’s defeat by some of the worst military strategy you could ever imagine.
“I’m named after Jedediah Smith, which means I can war real good. And no matter what anybody says, headdresses are not douchey, they’re badass.”
That’s it. That’s the review. I fucking love this movie for being the most unintentionally funny piece of Gen X cinema from open to closing credits.
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